Friday, 21 January 2011

Messages on the Telephone...

You know what they say: your life isn't complete until you have a stalker from Ireland accidentally calling you every now and again.

Do they say that? On second thoughts, maybe they don't. But if they do, I'm pretty sure my brother's life is complete.

Let me explain. About a year ago, my brother got a message on his voicemail. Dialling the number, he was greeted with this:

"Jeff? Jeff, it's Brian." And so it began. I can't remember, off the top of my head, what that first message was, but it set a precedent. It's not regular, but, every few months, Brian tries to call Jeff, and my brother hears his half of the conversation.

"Jeff? Jeff, it's Brian. We haven't met for a while, and I was wondering if you wanted to grab a drink?"

"Jeff? Jeff, it's Brian. Look, I still owe you a fiver for mowing the lawn last week..."

"Jeff? Jeff, it's Brian. Are you still looking for work? 'Cause if you are, the Ulster Farmer's union is hiring..."

I don't know who I'm more sorry for. On the one hand, there's Brian. Brian likes Jeff. They were good mates once, and, gradually, that's slipping away. Brian just wants to hang out, to help out with Jeff. Brian's sitting there, thinking to himself - why doesn't Jeff ever call back? The calls themselves give this sad little picture - Brian's hanging with Jeff occasionally, but never seems to initiate contact. He reluctantly does a favour for the guy, and all of a sudden, he's offering him money. He wants to hang out, he wants to help fix all his problems.

Brian's kinda creepy.

I mean, isn't it telling that he hasn't noticed he's got the wrong number? Maybe Jeff gave him the wrong number on purpose, but Jeff hasn't been returning Brian's calls for a while, whatever the situation. Brian doesn't comment on it because he's used to it.

Brian's a sad, lonely man, trying desperately to strike up a friendship with Jeff. Jeff's obviously got a job, if he's not claiming that five pounds. Jeff's moving on to bigger and better things, and Brian's just not a part of that. Brian's left behind.

One day, if I hear of a bloody murder near Ulster, I'll know exactly who did it.


Just a quick note, but Mozzy and I are having a lot of fun over at Grey Matter at the moment. Go take a look!

No comments:

Post a Comment