Friday, 8 October 2010

Useless Superheroes

"Doctor Disaster is threatening Vaguely Futuristic City!"

"Sounds like a job for... The League of Mediocre Superheroes!"

At this point, a vaguely inspiring brass fanfare plays.

That's right, the superheroes major comics companies conveniently forgot will save the city from the evil schemes of Doctor Disaster (which, by the way, isn't necessarily a supervillain name. Maybe he's just a really bad doctor. You know, you go for a check up and wake up to find yourself an amputee.)

MARVEL at the powers of Domino Man. By day, a perfectly ordinary pizza delivery man.... by night, he fights crime - by falling on top of it!

Behold, the graphical rendering power of MS Paint

BE AMAZED by Spoon Man - he talks to... well, to spoons. They don't have much to say.

"So, what are cutlery drawers like?"

By day, Midas Moneybags is a perfectly ordinary rich idiot with no day job. By night, everything he touches turns to Gold, and he fights crime as The Human Moneybox.

On second thoughts, maybe he shouldn't fold his arms.

And one hero will make THE ULTIMATE SACRIFICE. Beeman has the tragic power to sting someone... and then die.

Not a man I'd like to cross.

Even Batman is scared of Beeman.

So with such guardians, will Vaguely Futuristic City fall to Doctor Disaster?

Yeah, probably. Still, I guess we've learnt one thing. My Microsoft Paint skills are negligable at best...

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